To Johnny, From Eroica With Love
by Margaret Price
Summary: After crashing a party, Dorian meets John Gage, who has given up looking for a stable relationship and decides to just look to get laid. What he finds is Dorian dressed as a woman. An Eroica.Emergency! crossover and slash parody.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **This parody of Emergency! slash was inspired by the crapload of truly awful bad!fic out there containing excessively descriptive text, massive OOCness, unbelievable plot devices, and tons of wangst. Please note, references to any and all of the above will be placed under the general reference of "bad!fic."

**For Eroicafen**: Emergency! was a TV show from the 1970s about the firemen at Station House 51, focusing on the parametics, hearthrob Johnny Gage, and his stable, married partner Roy DeSoto. It is not slash in canon, but when did that stop anyone? **

* * *

**

To Johnny, From Eroica With Love  
**By Margaret Price**

The Major waited for the luggage to be deposited in his hotel room before turning to Eroica. "Lord Gloria, I expect you to behave yourself while we're here," he said firmly.

Eroica stood at the connecting door to his adjoining room and tossed his long blond curls over one shoulder. "Major, you know I never behave myself," he replied seductively, fluttering his eyelashes. "This is Hollywood, where the beautiful people are!"

The Major sighed heavily and gave him a dark look. "Let me rephrase that. I expect you to act professionally while we're here."

"Oh, well, that's no problem." The Earl flashed a brilliant smile. "It's too bad that Agent G came down with the German measles. I would've loved to've been able to take him down Rodeo Drive."

The Major rolled his eyes. "He has regular measles, the idiot. A man his age…"

Eroica giggled. "It's still not a problem, Major. I look absolutely stunning in a dress."

"You don't need to wear a dress for this mission, Lord Gloria."

"Yes, I do. It's one of the story requirements. G getting sick and you not being able to bring your team are just plot devices. Do keep up, Major."

Klaus closed his eyes, cursed the author, and silently counted to ten, telling himself that he could not kill the thief or himself until _after _the mission. "Just be ready to steal what you were hired for."

"I'm always ready to steal, Major."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

It had been a long, dry patch without a date for John Gage. He had broken up with his last girlfriend more than a month before, and it had been rather messy. He had come home early to find her in bed with a total stranger. Well, stranger to him, anyway. 

His coworkers as Station House 51 had been supportive, as they usually were. He seemed to be bouncing from one relationship to another with no real idea what he was looking for except a stable relationship. Stability, obviously, had eluded him.

_That's it,_ Johnny told himself as he reported for work. _No more looking for a stable relationship._ _Women don't seem to want that anymore. They've just been playing me for a sap. The next woman who comes on to me is just getting what she wants and that's it. _

Chet Kelly arrived during this decision making process. He threw his belonging into his locker and gave John an appraising look before clearing his throat. "Hey, John, I've got a friend giving a party this weekend. You wanna come?"

John did not even think twice. "Sure. Where is it?"

"It's in West Hollywood and…kinda hard to find," Chet said hesitantly. "Tell you what. Why don't you stop by my place and I'll drive us both."

_Great, then if I want to bail I have to wait for you. Then again, if I find someone, I don't have to wait for you!_ "Okay. What time?"

Chet told him and smiled to himself when Johnny started to hum to himself as he left the locker room. _Score! _

Well, that's the main players introduced, and no long drawn out descriptions. This fic is moving along nicely

* * *

On Friday evening, Johnny arrived at Chet's house, and parked his Jeep across the street. It is unclear as to why the make of the car has to be identified, but it is being done anyway. After a few minutes of waiting for Chet to locate his car keys, the pair were on the way to the party. 

Johnny found himself wondering what Chet considered hard to find about his friend's house. Sure, it was set back from the road, but the driveway seemed visible enough. And the fact that there were dozens of cars parked along the street and lining the drive made it rather obvious where the party was being held. Sometimes Chet could be a real jerk.

The pair let themselves in and Chet stood searching the crowd for their host. The house was packed, and people spilled out into the backyard where loud music was playing.

"Chet! So, you finally made it," a voice called out.

Johnny turned, his eyebrows going up when he saw a man with long, black hair pulled back in a pony-tail and dressed in a long tie-dyed shirt, several layers of love beads, and sandals.

"Ron, you haven't changed," Chet replied as his friend gave him a bear hug. He turned back, holding out a hand. "John Gage, meet Ron Leary. John and I work together, Ron. I didn't think you'd mind another body."

"No way, man!" Ron turned to John. "There was a semi-hippie in bad!fic, but I'm the real deal." He pulled his dark shades from the top of his head and covered his eyes.

"Semi-hippie?" the bewildered Chet replied.

"Well, one bad!fic was set in the 1990s, even though the original series took place in the late 1970s. So, we've split the difference and set it some time in the 1980s. That way the Eroica characters will mesh properly." Ron paused as the sound a sirens came through the open doorway. "Hope that's not the fuzz coming to bust us," he joked.

John was uncertain if he should respond to the aside comments to the readers. He was relieved when Ron held out a hand rather than giving him a hug. "Ron," he said politely.

Ron jerked a thumb in Chet's direction. "So, you really work with this loser?"

"'Fraid so."

Chet gave him an annoyed look. "Come on, John, let's mingle."

* * *

"This is exceedingly undignified, Major," Eroica grumbled as he struggled over a short stone wall. He was wearing a long peasant style dress, which he had to pull up to keep from catching on the sharp stones. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to run in heels?" 

The Major gave him a disgusted look as he climbed over the wall himself. "We wouldn't be doing this at all if you hadn't set the alarm off, you idiot thief!"

Eroica straightened and gave a loud harrumph, going on to adjust his clothing. "How was I to know the bloody Yank had a secondary alarm system? It wasn't in that brief you gave me. My people wouldn't've made such an oversight!"

"Then it's too bad you weren't able to bring them, either."

Eroica harrumphed again.

The Major waved a hand impatiently. "Never mind all that. Did you get it?"

Eroica grinned, reaching into his purse and pulling out a small canister of microfilm. "Naturally. I'm a pro."

Klaus breathed a sigh of relief as he took the film. Mission accomplished.

"We'll have to lay low a bit," Eroica said practically as another siren moved passed.

"Wonderful."

"There's a party over there," Eroica said delightedly. "What say we go gatecrash?"

"What!"

"Would you expect two thieves on the run to turn up at a party only a few doors down?"

"If I knew one of them was you, yes," the Major replied sourly.

"Oh, Major, you know me so well!" Eroica laughed delightedly as he led the way toward the music.

* * *

After several hours of mingling, and a few beers, Johnny went into the house to use the toilet. When he came out again, he noticed a very tall blond woman in a peasant dress sitting alone on the couch. He was sure he did not remember seeing her when he came in earlier. He made a quick check in a wall mirror, straightened, and went over to talk to her. 

"Mind if I sit down?" John asked, indicating the empty seat on the couch.

The disguised Eroica looked the young man up and down and smiled approvingly. _Well, aren't **you** the tall, dark, and handsome one?_ "It's a free county, I believe."

_English. Nice._ John smile as he sat down. He noticed she was drinking a cocktail rather than beer. _Classy, too._ "My name's John."

A bright smile lit up the Earl's face and he could not resist answering, "Gloria."

"Pleased to meet you, Gloria." John gave a small smile. "I…don't remember seeing you earlier. Did you just arrive?"

Eroica gave a small, breathy laugh, a well-manicured hand going to his chest. "Yes, I did. I'm a gatecrasher."

John's eyes widened. _Okay, I'll play along_. "Really?"

"Oh, yes. I was stealing something from a house a few doors down and set off the alarm. So my accomplice and I decided to hideout here for a while." Eroica gave Johnny his most dazzling smile. "It's a lovely party. So many handsome young men…"

Johnny's eyes flickered. _So, that's it, is it? Well, I am just in the mood for that._

"What do you do for a living, John?" Eroica asked conversationally, idly looking at his polished fingernails.

"I'm a paramedic with the Los Angeles Fire Department."

Eroica's eyes snapped up. "Really? Oh, how _fabulous."_ He leaned very close to John's ear, his voice dropping seductively. "I have a fire you can put out for me, John. But you'll need to bring _lots _of hose along."

John blinked. _Shit, she doesn't beat around the bush, does she? _"Um…"

"I'm only in town a few days," Eroica went on. "And my hotel suite is so lonely." He turned back, looking at the paramedic through his eyelashes. "Would you keep me company, John?"

John swallowed hard. "Um, do you have a car? I came with a friend…"

"Let's take his, then," Eroica said brightly as he got to his feet, pulling the reluctant Johnny up with him.

_Damn, this chick is strong._ "Take?"

"I'm sure he won't mind." Eroica was already pulling Johnny toward the door. He threw a quick glance back toward the backyard, seeing the Major watching him, a look of thunder on his face. The Earl grinned and blew him a kiss before flouncing out the front door, Johnny in tow.

* * *

"I still don't know why you insisted on having those people giving us a lift," Eroica said as he opened the door to his hotel room. "I really can hotwire a car." 

Johnny was beginning to question his motives in following after this outrageous woman to her hotel room. "Just what do you do for a living, Gloria?"

"I don't _do_ anything for a living. But for fun, I'm a thief."

"So that story about setting off an alarm…"

"The truth, actually. The rest is classified, though." Eroica tossed the handbag he had been carrying aside, going on to let his hair down. He ran his fingers through it, shaking most of the curls loose. There were a few stray ribbons tied in it that he decided to leave until later. "Oh, that feels _so_ much better." He pulled off his heels and then turned to see Johnny looking around the room.

"Would you like a nightcap?" he offered. "Something from my less than extensive mini-bar?"

"No, thanks…"

_Oh, good. Let's get straight to the good stuff, you gorgeous Fireman_. Eroica gave the man a steady look. "You've probably been told this a hundred times," he said softly as he moved closer, "but you're very handsome, John." Then he took the man's face in his hands and kissed him hard on the mouth.

John was surprised again by the directness, but found himself returning the kiss. When he came up for air, he looked into the enormous blue eyes that were looking him almost directly in the eye. _Man, she's almost as tall as I am! _"I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you before."

The laugh he got in reply sent a tingle down his spine. "My dear John, I can guarantee you've _never_ met anyone like me before."

The next thing John knew, he was being pulled toward the bedroom. "You don't mess around, do you?" he heard himself saying.

"Actually, that's just what I was hoping to do."

When John reached up to push the woman's dress from her shoulders, he was surprised when his hand was slapped away. Then he realized why this woman threw him off his stride so much. It was her forcefulness. Normally he was the one in charge of how the evening went. Now, it seemed that Gloria had decided she would be the one to direct how things progressed. _Okay, fine. I wanted a change from all those other girls._

John was returned to reality when the buttons of his shirt were being undone, very slowly. Hands were playing over his chest, tender kisses planted on his mouth and then down his neck. He didn't even realize when his shirt came off. Suddenly, it was just gone. Then his belt was being unfastened and his fly opened. His pants and underwear were pushed down my caressing hands. He was gently pushed back onto the bed and sat down, waiting as his shoes and socks were pulled off. Then he pushed himself further onto the mattress.

John felt very vulnerable when the person he thought was called Gloria laid down next to him, still fully clothed. She started to kiss his chest, running her tongue around his nipples and causing him to draw a deep breath. Her hands were caressing his body, moving down to his hips and then to his growing erection. When she took it into her mouth, he gasped, a moan rising in his throat, his hands tangling in the soft blond curls.

Eroica smiled as the man arched his back and started thrusting into his mouth. He had such a beautiful body, so lean and muscular. He also had the most wonderful, musky scent.

"Mmmmm, that feels sooo good," Johnny moaned. He had his head back, his eyes closed, and was just letting himself get lost in the sensations of the moment.

_I'm only just starting, Johnny boy,_ Eroica thought, as he began teasing the man's cock, flicking his tongue over the tip and along the head, dragging his teeth lightly up and down its length. Then he pulled one of the ribbons that was still in his hair and wrapped it tightly around the base of the man's cock to hold back his orgasm.

"Aagh!"

"Ssssh," Eroica hissed between his teeth. "Just relax." He continued the maddening process, sucking the man's cock and bringing him to the brink of orgasm, only to pull back and pull a whine of frustration from him. He smiled each time he did this, watching the man's beautiful body shudder and squirm.

After he was certain he had driven John quite mad, Eroica gave the man's erection a nip with his teeth, causing him to gasp. Then he removed the ribbon and started to suck his cock for all he was worth. It did not take long for John to come. He gave a loud groan as he ejaculated into the Earl's mouth. Expert hands milked him of every last drop, leaving him feeling sated and completely spent.

Eroica flopped down onto the bed next to the dazed John and smiled. "Did you enjoy that, John?"

"That was…incredible."

Eroica grinned, giving the man a passionate kiss that was returned in kind. Then he pulled off his underwear, and tossed it aside before pulling up the peasant dress to reveal his own erection. "Now you can do me."

* * *

The party at Ron's house was beginning to wind down. More than half of the guests had gone, and several others were on their way out. Chet had been hitting on a woman unsuccessfully all evening, and finally gave up when she left with a group of others. Then he started to look for John and discovered he was not there. 

After grilling just about everyone in the house without success, he panicked. Now, I have no idea why it never occurred to Chet that Lady-Killer-John Gage hadn't hooked up with someone and left with her. It is just one of those numerous plot holes that makes bad!fic so annoying. Anyway, Chet decided to call and see if John went home, completely overlooking the fact that he did not have a way of getting there.

_No, wait! Brainstorm. Maybe he had one of the guys from work come out in the middle of the night to get him! _Chet pulled out his address book and then called everyone from Station 51, waking them up, pissing them off, and reinforcing the fact that he's a real asshole

Finally, Chet called John's apartment and got his answering machine.

"Hello. This is John Gage's answering machine. I'm not here. Please leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you."

Chet slammed the phone down. "Dammit!"

Ron watched this performance, shaking his head. "Did it ever occur to you that he left with someone?"

Chet's eyes grew wide. "He would've told me."

_Yeah, right._ Ron waved a hand. "Come on. I've got some weed we can try. You can make more harassing phone calls later."

"Okay."

From a chair in the back yard, Klaus had observed this whole performance while smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. He had been surprised that the party actually had a good selection of German beer, which made waiting that much more tolerable. The house that he and the Earl had broken into still had police cars in the driveway, which meant he would have to wait a bit longer.

Klaus lit another cigarette and turned back to the man he had been conversing with in German for several hours. He was an aspiring chef from Austria who had a dream of opening a chain of restaurants in California specializing in, of all things, pizza. It was such a bizarre idea that Klaus found himself intrigued, especially when he heard how well the man had everything planned out. No doubt, he would return to America one day to find Wolfgang had fulfilled his dream.

The conversation was interrupted by Chet bemoaning the fact that he could not find his friend. Klaus exchanged an incredulous look with the other man and shook his head. _Bloody idiot Yank._

* * *

A patient expression came to Eroica's face when John went into a panic. It was something he was very used to seeing. Then the other man started to babble six ways to Sunday that he was straight. This was a mistake. How could he let things go this far? Why didn't he say something sooner? 

"Didn't you sleep with the guy you already knew was gay in the bad!fic?" Eroica said mildly.

"That's not the point!"

John tried to crawl off the bed but found himself pinned beneath the Earl, who suddenly captured his mouth in a passionate kiss. To his own shock, he found himself responding, leaning into it, a low moan rising in his throat. _What the hell?_

"Mmmm, that was _very_ nice," Eroica purred as he leaned back.

John blinked up in shock. "Look, Glo—What's your real name, anyway? It's certainly not Gloria."

Dorian laughed and looked into his eyes. "It is, actually. Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria, at your service."

"Shit."

Dorian reached down, pulling the skirt up higher. He shifted his weight slightly to allow the material to slip between them. Then he pulled the dress off completely, tossing it to the floor. "That's better," he sighed.

John's eyes widened when he saw the man had a bra on. Then he realized it had all been part of the disguise when it was removed, revealing a very muscular chest beneath.

"Now, John, dear," Dorian was saying seductively, his hand gliding over the body of the man pinned beneath him, and causing Goosebumps to spring up all over his flesh. "Where were we?"

By this time, John's eyes were the size of saucers. He swallowed hard. "I…was saying…I'm straight."

"Oh, yes, that." Dorian threw his head back and laughed. "Pull the other one, dear. No straight man kisses back like you just did."

John felt his heart in his mouth as he realized how much he was enjoying the feel of the other man's hand caressing his body. He had no idea how to reply, and simply laid there as the Earl started to kiss him again. After a minute, he reached up and returned the kiss, running his fingers through the soft curls again. Dorian responded with a low purr that sent a thrill down Johnny's spine. He had never felt this with a woman. This man had ignited something in him that he had been trying to ignore, to pretend was idle fantasy, to pretend it wasn't him.

"You smell so good," Dorian whispered as he nuzzled Johnny's hair.

John responded with a moan. After a few minutes, he was kissing the other man's neck. Not to long after this, he had attained another erection. This did not go unnoticed by the Earl.

"Will you panic again if I ask you to fuck me?" Dorian asked mildly. He felt the body beneath him go rigid for a few seconds before relaxing.

John's eyes flickered. _I've come this far._ "Um…I've never…been with…"

Dorian put a finger to his lips. "Don't worry. I have." He got up, going his dresser, where he retrieved the lubricant and condoms, the latter of which John was actually surprised to see.

Dorian climbed back on the bed, positioning the pillows at the headboard and then lying on his back. He spread his legs, waving the reluctant John closer. "Come on, John, dear. I don't bite." He grinned evilly, holding out a condom. "I only nibble."

John crawled up the bed, taking the condom and putting it on. Then Dorian was instructing him on how to prepare him for entry so as not to injure him. _You can do this, Johnny. You're a paramedic,_ he told himself. After a hesitant moment, he was sliding a slick finger into the other man's body. Then two. After a few minutes, he had the fingers of both hands at the man's rectum and was gently pulling it open.

"Now!" Dorian gasped, his back arching like a bow. "Oh, please now."

John applied more lubricate to the condom and pressed the head of his cock against Dorian's prepared opening. Then he gave a sharp thrust, causing the other man to gasp and then moan loudly with pleasure. It was such a completely different feeling to being inside a woman. He felt the minor spasms as he slowly thrust in and out. Within a minute, he had the full length of his erection buried inside Dorian's body.

Dorian reached up with trembling hands, taking hold of John's shoulders. "Yes! Oh, yes." He moved his hips to match the other man's movements, encouraging him to move faster, thrust harder. He was startled and delighted when John took his own cock in a slick hand and started stroking it as he continued to drive into him.

For several minutes, the only sounds in the room were the heavy breathing of the men and the squeak of the mattress. Then Dorian started breathing in short gasps, his grip on John's shoulder's tightening. "Oh! Yes, yes. So...gooood…" He threw his head back as he climaxed, his semen dripping all over John's hand and onto his own stomach. He wrapped his legs around the other man as he continued to thrust into him. After a few minutes more, John came himself, giving a final thrust before finally collapsing onto Dorian's chest.

Dorian looked at the mop of black hair on his chest and stroked it, imagining another dark-haired man in place of this one. He kissed the top of John's head and continued to stroke his hair as they basked in the afterglow.

* * *

It was nearly three in the morning when the Major felt it was safe enough to go back to retrieve his car. He decided to go from the front of the house, as it would be easier and less conspicuous than climbing the fence again. 

As he passed through the house, he saw Chet on the phone again, apparently annoying his coworkers once more.

"He's still not home," Chet growled as he slammed the phone down. "Where the hell could he be?"

"I told you, man," Ron drawled lazily, "he probably went home with some chick."

Klaus rolled his eyes. _And people wondered why I avoid social gatherings._

* * *

John awoke at dawn the next morning to find himself entangled in Dorian's embrace. He felt a momentary wave of panic when he remembered what he had done the night before. He slipped out of bed, going silently to the toilet. 

Johnny looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and noticed he had a couple of hickeys. He leaned closer to look at them, putting a hand to his neck. He remembered something vaguely about a bad!fic stating that it was impossible for a woman to give a hickey and that everyone would instantly know he'd slept with a man when they saw them. He dismissed this as being the load of crap that it was and went back into the bedroom.

He stood at the bedside for a minute, contemplating getting dressed and getting a bus home. He studied the other man's strikingly beautiful face and decided the hell with it, climbing back into bed. Dorian automatically snuggled up against him and John closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

* * *

At around ten in the morning, Chet opened the curtains to his front window, seeing Johnny's Jeep still parked out front. This was apparently the reason that the make of the car needed to be identified earlier in the fic. Since John was not with his car, and Chet had somehow forgotten that he was a legal adult, he began his work on the Station 51 phone tree again. 

This time, Chet's coworkers were less annoyed than before that he was calling them still looking for Johnny. It did nothing to change their opinions of him being an asshole, however.

Finally, after a fruitless search, Chet called John's apartment again. Not surprisingly, he got the answering machine.

"Hello. This is John Gage's answering machine. I'm not here. Please leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you."

Again, I don't understand why the message has to be repeated in complete detail after we have already heard it. But, yet again, this is the nature of bad!fic. The frustrated Chet left an equally frustrated message that, if I were John, I would not respond to. But then, he already knows that Chet is an idiot.

"John! This is Chet. Where the hell are you? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving the party? Where have you been all night! Call me!"

Chet punctuated the call by slamming the phone down, underscoring his immaturity. Then he remembered he had forgotten to call Roy DeSoto, Johnny's partner, and quickly dialed the number.

"Chet, are you _still_ looking for Johnny?" the incredulous Roy asked.

"Yes," Chet replied in a petulant tone. "I thought _you_, at least, would be worried. You are his partner."

"Yeah, well…"

"I thought he was supposed to meet you somewhere today."

Roy snorted. "That was a bad!fic, where I was inexplicably a bachelor."

"Oh, yeah, right."

"Joann and the kids were pretty put out by that."

"I can imagine."

"Well, they're at Joann's mother's for the weekend. So I get to play bachelor," Roy said happily. "I asked John to stop by sometime if he felt like talking. I guess he's found someone else's shoulder to cry on."

Chet gave a derisive snort and hung up the phone.

* * *

With the mission completed, the Major had slept soundly. He did not even have to sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb." When he woke the next morning, he knew the Earl would still be in bed. He just didn't know if it would be his own, considering the fact that he'd seen him go off with another man the previous evening. 

The Major took his time as he showered and dressed. He had already reported the mission as accomplished when he returned to the hotel. It might have been the middle of the night in California, but it was already late morning in Germany. He was not scheduled to return for another day, which meant he would have an entire day in just the Earl's company.

Before ordering his breakfast, the Major went to see if the Earl had returned the night before. Eroica had already said he would be leaving his door adjoining the rooms open the whole time, knowing how this would annoy the Major during the mission.

Klaus silently turned the handle and opened the door, peeking one eye through the crack. Then his eyes grew wide, the door opening fully. The Earl was indeed in his room. He was not alone, nor was he asleep.

Johnny was standing doubled over a table, a pillow under his hips, his feet spread apart. His hands were tied behind his back and secured against his body. There were ropes around his knees that were secured to the table legs, ensuring his legs stayed spread. These were drawn up and looped under his armpits, making it impossible for him to rise from the table or even move. He also had a gag in his mouth. Dorian was behind him, thrusting into him for all his was worth. Both men were making the most incredible moaning sounds.

"Eroica!"

Dorian jumped and turned to look at the door without extracting himself from the other man's body. "Major! Wonderful morning, isn't it?" he grinned.

"You bloody pervert! What is this?"

Dorian gave him an innocent look. "It's just what it looks like."

Klaus gave him a dangerous look. "It looks like you're raping someone."

"Oh, really, Klaus," Dorian replied in mock indignation. "This is quite consensual."

Johnny, in the meantime, was panicking, and struggled against his bindings while making several muffled sounds of protest.

"Oh, calm down, Johnny, darling, the Major's not gong to shoot you," Dorian said sweetly, patting the man's firm ass. "Just nod so he knows I'm not raping you. Thank you." He turned back to the Major with an enormous grin on his face. "There, you see? Anyway, you said no sex with you during missions."

"The mission was completed last night," Klaus reminded coolly.

"Oh, yes." Dorian grinned devilishly at him. "Then come join me."

Johnny's eyes grew wide as saucers. _How the hell did I let him talk me into this?_ It had started with an innocent conversation about art. How had it spiraled into bondage and Dorian's remarks about the ancient art of Japanese rope tying?

Klaus wordlessly grabbed the lubricant from the table, pulled down his trousers, and applied a generous amount to himself. He pressed up against Dorian, who gave a low moan of pleasure a moment before he gave a sharp thrust into him.

Dorian closed his eyes and gasped as Klaus abruptly buried his cock into him. "Oh, Klaus, I didn't think you would…" he sighed happily. He leaned forward a moment, his body shuddering. "Oooo, God!"

"We have the whole day," Klaus whispered in his ear, running his hands down his sides and then around to his chest. "To try…new things."

"Mmmm." Dorian started to purr as fingers played over his nipples. He leaned his head back as his lover started to nip at his neck.

Johnny was hoping this meant new things without him around. The Earl suddenly seemed to remember he was there and was thrusting back into him with renewed vigor. He threw his head back, biting on the gag in his mouth, and pulling at his bindings as the other man drove into him, obviously spurred on by the presence of the newcomer.

Then a hand was brushing against his cock that was sheathed in a condom. John shuddered, a whine escaping him as he found it impossible to move his hips. Impossible to move at all. Then the grip tightened, increasing the friction and causing him to gasp. He came with a loud groan and clamped down on the gag as his orgasm exploded through him, his semen flooding into the condom rather than all over the pillow and floor.

Dorian continued to thrust into the man bound to the table and then back onto Klaus's cock. "Oh Klaus, that's wonderful!" he gasped out. He knew he would not be able to hold out much longer, and finally came with a loud cry of ecstasy. He put his hands on the table and leaned forward, getting lost in the sensations as Klaus continued to thrust into him.

"Ja, das ist gut," Klaus agreed breathlessly as Dorian shifted position, leaning forward even more to allow him better access. He aimed for the prostate, smiling as the Earl gave a sharp gasp and threw his head back. This went on for several minutes more until Klaus finally came himself, emptying himself into his lover's body.

It took a few minutes before everyone got their breath back. Klaus extracted himself from the Earl and grabbed the towel that was on the table. He silently cleaned himself off, going on to do the same for Dorian. He made a check for injuries, and noted that he might have caused one. Well, he had entered the man without preparing him first. "There's something…" he said mildly.

"Old wound," Dorian said dismissively. He received a steady look in reply.

"That is not old."

Dorian gave this lover a tender kiss on the mouth. "It will be eventually."

Klaus thought this over, giving a curt nod as he handed the towel to the Earl. If Dorian did not feel he was injured, it was best not to argue at the present time. He would just have to be careful the next few times. He pulled his trousers back on, pulled out his cigarettes, and lit one.

Dorian extracted himself from John, going on to clean them both off. Then he carefully checked the man for injuries, smiling to himself when hesaw nothing obvious. He turned to Klaus and blew him a kiss. Then he turned back to the awestruck and now completely bewildered Johnny and started untying him.

"Oh, we need to get you home, don't we?" Dorian said as he pulled the gag from the man's mouth.

"Um, er…" John stammered as he stood up and rubbed his wrists. "I could take the bus," he said meekly. _Christ, I go looking for a girl and find a sex maniac and his friend!_

"Nonsense," Dorian said breezily, waving a hand in the air. "You get showered and dressed, and we'll deliver you home, safe and sound, won't we, Klaus?"

"Whatever," Klaus replied dismissively.

* * *

Chet saw John getting out of a black Mercedes and threw his front door open. "John!" he yelled as he stormed down the front walk. "I've been trying to find you all night." 

John's eyebrows went up. "You have?"

"I called everybody," Chet said as he drew nearer.

Klaus got out of the car and looked from one to the other. "He has. I watched him do it."

Chet gave the Major a startled look. "Wait…did you know where Johnny was all this time?"

"He left the party with a tall blond woman in a print peasant dress at eleven twenty-five last night," the Major replied succinctly. "Just as your friend told you several times."

Chet stood staring. "Why didn't you say so?"

"Because you never asked me, you stupid, fucking Yank!" So saying, Klaus made the author, and everyone on the Station 51 phone tree, very happy by punching Chet dead in the face. Then he gave John a piercing look. "You need to find smarter friends."

"I'm afraid I have to work with this loser," John replied coolly.

"My sympathies," Klaus replied. Then he got in the car and drove off, Dorian waving out the window. "Good luck, Johnny!"

John looked a Chet and shook his head. "Go put some ice on that eye, Chet." He turned on his heal, heading for his car. Whoops, sorry, his Jeep.

"John! Where are you going?" Chet called.

"You invited me to a party. I went. Now I'm goin' home. Bye, Chet. See you at work." So saying, John drove off, leaving the clueless Chet still sitting on the ground.

* * *

Roy was surprised when he heard the doorbell ring. He was even more surprised when he opened the front door to find Johnny standing on the front porch. He never met up with John in the bad!fic Chet mentioned until after a massive attack of wangst and they returned to work. 

"I heard you disappeared from a party last night," Roy said as he invited the other man in with an outstretched hand.

"Yeah, a blond," John replied, following his partner into the kitchen where he gratefully accepted a beer.

"Why am I not surprised?" Roy sighed as he pulled out a beer for himself.

John drew a deep breath. "This blond was…different, Roy."

"John, that's what you always say," Roy sighed, turning to go back outside onto the sun porch.

"No, Roy. I mean _really_ different."

"Oh? What did she have that the others didn't?"

"Balls."

Roy actually laughed. "I've met a few women like that."

Johnny shook his head. "No, Roy, I mean literally. She was a he. A him. A guy!"

Roy almost dropped his beer. "What! And you couldn't tell?"

"He was dressed as a woman! And talked all…breathy. He said his name was Gloria!" Johnny said defensively.

Roy ran a hand through his hair. "Wow."

"Yeah." Johnny took a swig of his beer and drew a deep breath. "And you wanna hear the worst part?"

"There's a worse part?"

"I slept with him. Several times."

Roy's eyes widened.

"And…I liked it."

Roy's eyebrows went up. "You did?"

Johnny shook his head. "I never felt the same way with a woman. Never. But this guy! Man…the things he did…" He looked up and knew his face must be flushed. "Weird, huh?"

Roy gave him an odd look and put his beer down. "No. It's just about time." He took John's face in his hands and kissed him.

Neither Johnny nor Dorian slept in their own beds that night.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the rights to the characters, or the copyrights on the show or manga. No disrespect is intended to them. I am only playing with the boys and then putting them back where I found them. The bad!fics parodied here aren't mine, thank God, but this fic is. So there. 


End file.
